What the Neighbors Must Think

"I have to go pee," Logan said.

That's nice.  Do I really need to be involved?

"Then go," I encouraged, noticing that he was just standing there grabbing his groceries.

He danced off in the direction of the back door and I went back to setting the sprinkler.  A few minutes later, he rounded the corner of the house having noticeable trouble hitching up his britches. 

Dear Logan,

As you know, I have been a father for nearly twelve years.  You, sir, are my third child and third son.  I feel it only fair to remind you that, as I am a boy myself, there are very few things you can do that I have not already done myself.  That being the case, I am usually at least one step ahead of you and, on the rare occasion that I am not, will more than likely figure out what is going on before you have a chance to cover it up - whatever it may be.

Sincerely, Dad

"Where did you go pee?" I asked, suspiciously, knowing that the front door was locked and the back door had not been opened.

He immediately stopped rearranging his drawers and stood there starring at me.  His stunned silence was very reassuring.

I asked again.

"In the grass," he said.

"Show me," I commanded.

He nervously led me to the front yard where lay the unsuspecting patch of lawn and accompanying rose bush, having been marked like so much territory.  And this family wonders why we don't have a dog - as if I needed one more thing to pee on the grass.

Oh, shoot, we've been spotted.  Just smile and wave.  "Hello, Mrs. Brown.  Yes - lovely evening.  Indoor plumbing?  Why yes, just installed yesterday.  We're not quite used to it yet.  What's that?  Yes, I quite agree - the recycling toter is a rather dangerous place to be playing hide-and-go-seek while it's still parked on the street.  Rather unsanitary.  By the way, thank you for calling the fire department last week.  Say hello to Mr. Brown."

- 15 August 2012