Ode to a Friend

I dedicate this ode to you, my friend, on this, the day of your birth.  As you begin work on your 34th year and stand, reflecting on what has come to pass and what you have yet to face, count me among the men who will proudly stand along with you. 

As I sit each day and write, I ponder the impact that I have had upon my own children and family.  I think, most often, of two things as I consider my actions both past and future, and strive to find the inherent humor in this game we call parenting.  The first, or course, is my wife.  The second is you.  I see so much of myself in you and feel your influence on me.  As I watch you parent, I am often reminded of the things I have thought, and done, and said.  I wonder when I changed, and why, and I laugh.  I wonder if you'll change in similar ways and look back, years from now, the way I have, to see if the man you are then recognizes the man you are now.  I hope you'll share that with me.

We are different men, to be sure, but we are the same man in so many ways.  While I do not speak Girl and you, sir, have only just begun to speak Boy, it is the bond of so many other languages that unites us.  We, the two of us, speak son and brother, husband and father.  It is here where we will always find the common ground.  It is here where our differences become our strengths and our similarities become the stuff of legend.

I may call you my best friend and you may or may not call me yours.  Too often, people fail to understand that one is not dependent on the other and ultimately has no bearing on our friendship.  I remind my sons regularly that labels are just that - labels.  If you buy a can of tomato soup but the label says "chicken noodle," it will still be tomato no matter what you call it.

Our friendship does not need to be carefully laid out in so many words or actions.  As you have reminded me, there are no rules.  Constant affirmations are not required.  When it is the right time to speak, the words will be there.  They may not always be the ones that we want to hear but they will always be the ones that we need to hear.  When it is the right time to listen, we will know and we will be silent.  There is no score keeping or concern about reciprocation.  You will call on me and I on you.  And in our time, that call will be answered without hesitation.

If today is the last day that I see you and our paths do not cross again, I will not worry.  We are destined to meet in the future and they will know that we are friends.  I am my own man, of course, but I am not the same man because I have known you.  When I shake your hand, I know this to be true.

Take note, my boys, for this is how a true friendship works.  I pray every day that you will find this in your lifetimes.  Like anything in life worth having, (marriage, children, family) this too will require blood and sweat and tears.  Do not take it for granted.  Do not smother it or let it die from neglect.  This is one of the many unspoken treasures of how to speak Boy.

Happy birthday, my friend.