Christmas Crackers

Our beautiful Christmas Eve dinner began with the 19th century English tradition of Christmas crackers.  By a simple coincidence, or a clear demonstration that God does, in fact, have a sense of humor, all of the children received noise making toys in their crackers.  Among the prizes were a harmonica, a kazoo and a toy clacker.

The clacker fell into the capable hands of my oldest son, Justin, who immediately demonstrated his obnoxious proficiency.  Ethan's kazoo virtuosity resembled that of a tormented bovine and I was certain that a call from the ASPCA was imminent.  Logan's cracker contained the little yellow harmonica, hereafter referred to as the "canoe."  Logan had not previously encountered a harmonica and failed to grasp the subtle differences between that and its agony inducing counterpart, the kazoo (pronounced "canoe" in the three-year-old dialect).

The only reasonable way to describe this loathsome yellow mouth harp is insidious, in much the same way you would describe the Chinese Water Torture.  Move over Fu Manchu.  The first five minutes were not unpleasant in the least.  Eventually, the little yellow menace was removed from the dinner table so that the family could enjoy it's food without fear of atonally induced indigestion.  Our best efforts notwithstanding, we were unsuccessful at thwarting the return of the "canoe" to the boy.  Like a pig to a truffle, he located it, with apparent ease, no matter where it had been hidden and resumed his heinous recital until the occupants of the house had been driven to the point of madness and it was promptly removed and re-hidden.  This exercise continued until the boys were put to bed.

Christmas morning dawned, apparently canoe-free.  It wasn't until breakfast had been announced and we had been seated at the table that the canoe made it's presence known.  One note was all it took before Ashley seized the harmonica from the unsuspecting boy and hurled it into the adjoining room where it came to rest in a potted plant.

"Momma, why did you do that?" Logan asked.

"Yeah Mom, why did you do that?" Justin asked, with every ounce of cheek he could muster.

Sparing Ashley the burden of having to reply, I took up the slack.

"She made a mistake, Justin.  She was reaching for Logan and grabbed the harmonica by accident."

- 25 December 2011