Men Are From Mars

"Dad!" Logan exclaimed as he pointed through the car window.  "I see the first star."

"Sure enough.  Did you know that that star is actually an entire planet?" I asked.

"No!  What's it called?"

"Venus," I answered.

Almost immediately I realized my mistake.

"Ohhh," he said trailing off.  I could hear the grin in his voice.  "You know what Venus rhymes with?"

Stupidity?

"Penis!" he gleefully shouted.

Then began the song..."Ve-nus, pe-nis, Ve-nus, pe-nis..."  You get the idea.

Kill me.  Kill me now.

- 23 November 2013

What's New?

"Um, hey, Dad?  Is there anything new for breakfast?" Logan asked.

"Not today," I said, shaking my head.

"We could buy some Fruity Pebbles," he suggested.

"Fruity Pebbles?"

I wondered where this was coming from as he had never had so much as a Pebble before in his life.

"Yes, they have my favorite colors, pink, green and blue."

"Well sure," I said, "but how do you know they'll taste any good?"

"Um, because," he said, with disgust at my apparent stupidity, "they have my favorite colors, pink, green and blue."

Oh, right, 'cause that's how it works.

- 23 November 2013

All In Your Head

Ashley just got through saying something that wasn't 100% true in order to make a point for one of the cheeky little smart mouths seated at the dinner table.  It's a fantastic parenting trick until they learn to become as quick and as witty as you are.

"Did that sound true in your head?" Justin snapped.  "Because out here it sure didn't."

I don't think it helped that I guffawed.

- 16 September 2013

Rezoning Laws

"Um, Dad, what is up in that space over around here...up there...above the sink?" Logan asked.

He pointed to the spot that used to be a basement window until the addition to our house was built.

"That's called the crawl space, remember?" I replied.

"Oh yeah, I forgot.  But what's over it?" he asked, again pointing at the crawl space.

"That leads to the kitchen and dining room, my bathroom and Justin's room," I explained, wondering how little detail I could get away with.

"And the library?"

??

"Um..."

- 17 September 2013

Mannequin Love

Why did I just have to tell my five-year-old son to, "Stop molesting the mannequins?"  He may not have understood what I said but he sure knew what I meant by the dangerous look I flashed him - even at twenty paces.  His both hands were on her chest like it was the milking exhibit at the county fair instead of the display window at Old Navy.

Personally, I blame Old Navy for building anatomically correct mannequins.

- 5 October 2013

Have My Cake and Eat It Too

"Can we make a pumpkin cake?" Logan asked.

"You know, I have this great recipe for pumpkin bars," Ashley replied.  "They're like little cakes with frosting."

"Okay..." Logan said, dubiously.  Not to be derailed, his face brightened, "But let's do a pumpkin cake and then we can do your "bars" some other day."

Golly Mom, if I had wanted bars...

- 20 October 2013