Nutella

Logan cried this morning when he found out that I had forgotten to make his Friday standard, a "chocolate sandwich."

- 20 February 2015

In My Own Words

My own words just came back to haunt me.

"Logan, it's time for a bath," I said.

"And then bed?" he asked.

"Well, we'll probably do some reading," I said.

"I don't want to read.  I have other plans," he said, with a cheeky little smile.

"Maybe it's not a choice," I replied.

"Or maybe it is," he said, turning to walk away.  "See how that works?"

Good grief.

- 28 April 2015

Thanks iOS

After the most recent iOS upgrade, something very strange occurred.  Suddenly, my wife and I were receiving all of Justin's texts both to and from his friends.  This was at once a shocking yet humorous insight into the life of this teenager.  One afternoon, while Justin was away on an orchestra trip, I received one such text at work.  Instead of ignoring it, as I usually did, I decided to play along.

The message was from Addie, a friend who was also on the orchestra trip.

"Bring us napkins, hoe!" she announced.

"No," I stated.

"Please," she begged.

"Addie, this is Mr. G, Justin's dad," I continued.

"Justin, no it's not," she replied, clearly thinking that Justin was pulling her leg.

"Go ask Justin," I encouraged.  "By the way, you spelled ho wrong."

I didn't hear any more about the napkins.

- 24 March 2015

Oh, Great

Justin came into our bedroom looking for clothes from his laundry basket. 

"Oh good," Ashley said to him, "you're going to bathe and change yesterday's clothes!  You look like a homeless person."

There was a long pause. 

"I'd make a good homeless person," he replied.

- 25 April 2015

As You Wish

"Hey, Mom!" Logan shouted from the dining room.

"Yes?" Ashley asked, as she entered the room.

"Why does Dad have to do your bidding?"

Ashley laughed heartily.

You see, I was off to Starbucks to get coffee for both of us.  Pretty soon I got this text.

"What did you tell this kid?  He's reading me the riot act for "forcing" you to do stuff for me.  When I told him you were just being nice because that's what husbands do, he interrogated me on what I was going to do for you in return.  I'm hiding in my room now just to avoid the little Nazi."

- 25 April 2015

Coach

"Oh man, I have a track meet today and I really don't want to go," Justin said, rolling his head and slouching across the kitchen.

"You don't even know if you'll be allowed to go yet," I reminded him.

Justin had been absent from school the two previous days and his attendance at the meet was still up in the air.

"He'll [the coach] probably say it's okay.  He likes me."

Well, that's good, I thought.  I had my back turned to Justin but I could still see his eyes rolling.

"I don't like it when teachers enjoy my presence."

- 23 April 2015

When I Was Six

"Remember a long time ago when I was still six," Logan began.

I nodded.  Yes, I call that today.

"...and I was in Ethan's bed [playing video games] screaming?" he asked.

I nodded again.  Yes, I call that yesterday.

- 20 April 2015

God's Most Famous Role

Logan climbed up into his bunk bed and lay down to go to sleep.  I crawled into the bottom bunk to keep him company until his brother came to bed.  As I lay there listening, the room began to fill with the usual chatter about video games and Pokeman.   My participation was limited by requirement.  A well timed, "Really," was all that was necessary.  Then the conversation took a turn.

"Dad, can God talk to us?" Logan asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"Has he ever talked to you?"

"Not so that I can hear him speaking," I said.

"Is God black or white?" he inquired.

"I don't know, sweetheart," I said.

"Is He male or female?"

Um.

"Male."

There was a pause.

"Dad, does God look like Harry Potter?"

- 20 April 2015

Canine Appeal

Logan was explaining the joys of raising dogs in Minecraft to his mother.

"If these dogs were real women like you, I would be a real ladies man because they LOVE me!"

- 14 April 2015

Obviously

"Dad, feel the rocks in the water."

"I know, they're slimy, huh!"

"No.  They're wet."

- 11 April 2015

Confession

"Do they have an insane asylum for little kids?" Logan asked.

"No, honey," I replied.

"Good.  Don't think I'm insane but I talk to my stuffed animals."

Just so long as they're not talking back to you.

- 18 March 2015