Incensed

I had just finished Logan's bath and popped a diaper on him for overnight protection.  I dashed downstairs to grab pajamas from the laundry when what did I hear standing at the top of the stairs screaming down in my direction?

"I don't need a diaper for bed time!"

You want a bet?

"Joyce (the sitter) said no!"

Oh did she now?

"I not stupid you know!"

It was too much - I laughed so hard that I almost cried.  Get a good picture in your mind of this 3-year-old with his dander up, going to bed angry because he was being forced to wear a diaper.  I ran up the stairs and herded the heated little monster toward his bedroom. 

Now, picture him hopping into bed and landing square on top of the whoopee cushion that his older brothers had planted under the covers.  His look of terror was absolute.  At first he started to cry.  Then he started to laugh and looked me right in the eye and said,

"Dad, that was just a poopie cushion."

I'm still crying.

- 14 September 2011

This Day In History

Ethan was apprehensive about missing school to make a trip to see the doctor.  He was also a little leery about the prospect of having blood drawn.  As I sat at work going through old email files, I wanted nothing more than to give him a hug and tell him that things could always be worse.  Almost at once, I tripped over this email dated a year ago today.  I believe I was explaining why I wouldn't be at a meeting later that evening.

1/13/2014

"...Ethan broke his finger and injured his leg and foot.  The water heater died, the dishwasher is broken and the shower is leaking into the basement..."

See?  At least things are starting out better today!

- 13 January 2015 

The Five Year Gap

What happens when you have two brothers that are five years older than you are?  Nothing good. 

Logan, as the youngest, is exposed to subject matter far beyond the appropriate limits for a child of his age more often than I would care to admit.  And, thanks to his older brothers, he has inadvertently seen a lot of scary movies.  Case in point.  The other night, Logan lay in bed next to Ashley, watching The Sound of Music for the first time.  You couldn't hear the movie over the sound of Logan asking how terrifying it would be and whether or not there would be magic portals.  He hid under the covers because he was convinced that something would jump out and scare him.

Well, maybe a Nazi or two.

- 21 December 2014 

Don't Do It

"Hey, Dad.  I don't think this is a good idea but I'm going to do it anyway."

At first, when he sneaked up behind me and said this, I was certain that he was going to kick me.  After all, my back was turned and I was in a crouching position, ripe for the kicking.  As it turns out, all he wanted to do was drink a glass of chocolate milk and a glass of regular milk using two different straws all at the same time.

He was right, it wasn't a good idea because as soon as he started to drink, he began to laugh causing milk to spray across the table and out of his nose.

I think I would rather have been kicked.

- 4 January 2015

St-inky

"It smells like somebody pooped and then a squid inked."

Say what now?

- 3 January 2015

The Story of Ethan

My name is Ethan.  I’m writing a story about me, my life and some other things.  I hope that who ever is reading this gets to know me better.  I hope you enjoy this story a lot.

First I’m going to write about me for example, things I like to do, my fears and things I don’t really like and some of my hobbies.

Things I like	fears	Things I don’t like	Hobbies
drawing	Mail men	running	drawing
video games	Clowns	My Brothers (sometimes)	Writing
Riding my  bike	Demons	Broccoli	Swimming
Cats	Dolls	The ocean	Golfing
	milk		Playing chess

Now on to my family. I have 2 parents, 2 brothers, 2 cats but 1 ran away because our other fat cat ate all the food and 4 grandparents but I only have met 2 of them.  My parent’s names are Ashley and Andy.  They are both 40.  My grandparent’s names are Matt and Lynda and they live in Pullman, WA.  I have 2 brothers.  My oldest brother’s name is Justin and he is in 8^th grade at Garrison Middle School.  My little brother’s name is Logan and he just started his first year at Sharpstein Elementary.  I had 2 cats, Oliver and Cooper but Cooper ran away, probably because Oliver ate all of the food.  Oliver is the fattest cat I’ve ever seen.  My brother Justin and I had 2 fishes but my fish ate his and died about 4 day’s later.

Now for some extra things like what I want to be when I grow up and stuff like that. When I grow up I hope to get into ether Whitman collage or WSU so I can learn how to be an author and stuff and if I’m not an author than ill try to be a teacher or something like that. I have 3 weakness and they are Ethtinite (it's what Ethan World is made of), milk and octopuses but mostly Ethtinite. One of my greatest moments is when I met my best friends. My other greatest moment is when I saved the world from the zombie aliens who summoned giant asteroids to destroy earth while going back in time to destroy the dinosaurs so that they would not exist in the present and earned $4,000,000,000,000,000 and became the president of the universe and I became immortal and invincible for all of time.

Extra Extra Things

Favorite shows	Favorite places	Favorite colors
Doctor Who	Walla Walla	blue
South Park	Pullman	Orange
Family Guy	Portland	purple

In conclusion I hope that I will succeed with my goals and that I will have the best school year I can.  And if I don’t then at least I tried hard.

Fin

- 23 September 2014

The End

"Dad, I'm only going to ask you one more time," he said, climbing out of the bathtub.  There was a definite hint of annoyance.

I silently wondered what had happened to the first time he asked.

"What is the end?" he stated, fixing me with a stern gaze.

The end?  Of time, of days, of my patience?  What?  My blank look spurred him on.

"The last number," he said.

Oh, the end.  No idea.  He was decidedly displeased when I told him that numbers never end and went to ask his mother.

- 21 December 2014