Logan's Greatest Ambition

"I want to be a super hero when I grow up so I can save the world."

You're on your way, Batman.

- 31 October 2012

I Am the Walrus

I left work and returned to the house at seven thirty.  Logan was sick and Ashley had made arrangements to stay home but that meant it was I who was responsible for shuttling the boys to school.  As I pulled into the driveway, I whipped out my telephone.

"Justin," I said, "I'm in the driveway.  Grab your brother and get a move on."

I made to hang up when a peal of laughter in the background, arrested my attempt.

"Yes my sweet, sweet walrus," came the sultry response, followed by additional merriment.

Now, I have been called many things in my day, but I do believe that was a first.

I could hear the sound of the phone being wrenched from the boy's hand.

"Why is he calling you his 'sweet, sweet walrus'?" Ashley inquired.

Darling, sweetheart, love of my life - as you are well aware, he shares our collective genes.  That sentence alone should cover most of your questions regarding our sons.  Apart from that, I have no idea.  In this case, however, I think it's best if we don't ask too many questions - I'm not sure that either of us is prepared for the answers.

- 30 October 2012

My Own Fault

When I relayed this anecdote to a friend of mine, his reply was, "you do set a pretty high standard."

My nine-year-old came to me this weekend to complain that he didn't want to become an adult.

"You guys make it look too hard."

I wish I knew whether or not that was a compliment.

- 27 October 2012

Thirsty?

Now and then, my ADHD takes hold and I am completely unable to shut my mouth.  (Don't ask my wife - she'll just exaggerate.)

"Look, Logan, a limousine."

I can't imagine what made me think that my four-year-old would know what that meant.  He looked wildly, if not blankly, around.

"A lemonade stand?" he asked.

"No, a lim-ou-sine," I repeated, pointing at the opposing left turn lane.

He stared in the direction I was pointing - albeit, toward the sky.

"Stand?" he said.

"Honey, it's a long, long, fancy car," I said, with some exasperation.

He considered the opposing traffic for a third time.

"Where you get lemonade?"

Oh, my goodness.  I am so sorry I opened my mouth.  If I change my answer to "yes," can we please stop having this conversation now?

- 27 October 2012

Hello ADHD

"Ethan is downstairs, playing a game on the iPad - while watching a YouTube video on the computer - while the television is on."

When Ashley came in to tell me about this, my first thought was, "I wonder if he had the telephone in his lap with a friend on the line...or his ear buds in, listening to his iPod too."  Not that I would know anything about that...you know...just wondering.

- 27 October 2012

Deep Pockets

Yesterday, the bill for Ethan's appendectomy finally arrived. 

$18,245.47

Thankfully, insurance covered more than ninety-nine percent...but still.  As I examined the bill, Ethan passed quickly behind me on his way through the kitchen.  I turned around and put out my hand to stop him.

"Hey, Ethan?  Do you know how much it cost to have your appendix removed?" I asked, in mock disbelief.

My question was met with a blank stare.

"Eighteen-thousand dollars!" I exclaimed.

This news startled him.

"Whoa!" he said, and turned to exit, stage left.

"Next time, I think we'll do it here.  You can pick out a shoe to bite on and I'll clear off the dining room table," I called after him.

Nervous laughter echoed up the stairs from the basement.  I continued to examine the bill and mutter under my breath.  Within minutes there was a tap on my shoulder.  I turned and found Ethan standing there, looking quite distressed.

"Do we have enough in our checking account?" he asked.

Oh, bless your heart - no.  But thank goodness it is not necessary.  Next time, I'll also remember to explain about insurance.

- 26 October 2012

You Want to go There?

The second I had finished drying Logan off, after his bath, he began dancing around the bathroom trying to gain access to his new toothbrush.

"Pajamas first, Logan," I reminded him.

There were sounds of disgust and disgruntled nakedness.

"Dad!  I want to brush my teeth!" he shouted.

"Not until you have pajamas on.  There will be no naked tooth brushing tonight.  Go, go, go," I said, shoving him out the door.

More sounds of insubordination including, growling and foot stomping.

"Go, go, go," I said again, pushing him further down the hall and gesturing for him to move in the opposite direction.

"Teeth!" he screamed.

"Pajamas!" I shouted.

I moved around him and made my way to the laundry room.  From the top of the stairs came his angry, teeth-gritting retort.

"Do I have to do everything?"

Remind me which part you already do.

- 25 October 2012