Hell Bug

Something just bit Justin’s arm while he was standing in the kitchen.  He didn’t see what it was before he flicked it off, but shortly thereafter the bite began to hurt like having a shot.  There was much complaining and exclaiming.  Once we decided there was no need for a trip to the hospital, he left the room, muttering something about an “Amazonian Hell Bug.”

It was funny until I realized that he flicked it off his arm in the house.  I always look forward to further encounters with the hell bug.

- 9 May 2020

Mirror Mirror

Lamenting about the possible boring quality of the movie Mirror, Mirror.

"All castle-based movies have British people in them."

A. Britain has a lot of castles so, duh.
B. What the hell does that have to do with anything?

- 11 July 2012

Flights to Ecuador

What would you think if one of your child's second grade teachers called your son directly, at school, while he was on vacation with his family?

 

Welcome to my little corner of paradise.  Mr. Parsons, P. E. teacher at the elementary school that my sons attended, called from the airport in California, while waiting for his connecting flight to E-C-U-A-D-O-R.  He called Ethan, in class, to make sure he wasn’t terrorizing the sub.

What does it say that this man was traveling to Ecuador on vacation with his family and, when he stopped to catch a connecting flight, he thought of my son.

 

Little did I know that this was an omen of things to come.

- 15 December 2011

Caller IDea

The boys are always trying to do things what they consider the easy way.  In actuality, it's the hard way and it's just plain irritating. 

They cannot seem to be bothered to converse with us while we’re in the house so they wait until we’re running errands or in the middle of something important.  

Justin called my wife while we were at the store.  He obviously didn’t like the answers she gave him because he immediately called me and said that, "mom was being kind of mean."  He asked us both if we were at home.  Now, keep in mind that he was calling from within our house.  Each of us replied by telling him that he should get off the couch, go upstairs and check and if he didn't find us, then...no!

- 9 October 2011

The Scream

As if I didn’t know already, I was reminded of my ranking in this family shortly after I arrived home from work one evening.  I hadn’t even taken my jacket off when Logan came hurtling out of the family room, missing me by inches.  He was aiming for the shelf, just past me, held the water bottles.  Grabbing one, he turned on his heel and headed back into the family room without so much as a backwards glance.  No wave, no nod, no “Hi.” No nothing.

As he pushed through the door, I heard him demand of his older brother, “How am I supposed to know the exact time you screamed?”

I assume he was talking to his brother because, in my family, it wouldn’t be unusual for Ethan to insist that you keep track of his screaming.  It would be equally as likely that at least one member of the family agree to do just that.  One, two, three, not it!

The door slammed and he was gone.

What goes on in this house anyway?

- 16 February 2018

For the Love of a Car

Last night, my wife suggested that I take the dog with me when I took Logan to his swimming lesson.  After all, there is many a grassy expanse in which to walk and play and generally wear the dog out.  That sounded like a great idea, to which there was obviously no down side so, I agreed. 

Logan and I climbed into the Suburban and I placed Blue in the passenger’s seat next to me.  No sooner had we pulled out of the driveway then Blue stood up on the center console, his muzzle three inches from my ear, and barked.  The noise startled me so badly that I swerved slightly.  It was nothing major, but Logan was thoroughly spooked.  The barking continued at random intervals and so did my occasional jerking of the steering wheel.  We made it safely to the pool but Logan and I were both a little traumatized. 

Unfortunately, exercise had the opposite effect on Blue and, instead of making him tired, it seemed to wind him up.  On top of that, the ride home was easily as nerve wracking as the ride there.  I might have to rethink the whole “take the dog with you” suggestion. 

This evening, as we once again made our way to swimming lessons, Logan and I were discussing how calm it was without Blue barking.  Logan was equally as relieved that I was no longer swerving and made a point of saying so. 

“When Justin was driving me home today, he suddenly stomped on the gas and swerved towards the curb in front of our house.  He told me he was kidding and said, ‘I’d never crash with you in the car.’”

I was trying to act surprised but it was hard because I wasn’t, so I just nodded.  Apparently, I failed to express the proper degree of concern over this news. 

“Dad,” he said, urgently, “ he said he wouldn’t crash with me in the car.  That means he’s going to crash when he’s by himself.”  There was definite concern. 

“He’s just pulling your leg,” I said, reassuringly.  “Justin doesn’t want to crash.  Nobody wants to get hurt, and besides, he loves his car too much.”

- 2 August 2018

Say Your Prayers

“Dad, I need to memorize a prayer for reconciliation,” Logan said. 

“Well, just take a car ride with Justin and you’ll have that prayer memorized in no time,” I suggested. 

“Oooh, I’m going to tell him you said that!” he exclaimed. 

That’s fine, just don’t let him drive me anywhere. 

- 25 October 2018