There's a Dance for That

Logan has a dance for everything.  There is a dance for every situation, every occasion and every state of being.

Tantrum?  There's a dance for that.

Hamburgers for dinner?  There's a dance for that.

Tuesday afternoon?  There's a dance for that.

This phenomenon has not gone unnoticed by the rest of the family either.  Justin sat, silently watching his brother in semi-amazement.  He looked over at me, sitting on the opposite couch, and shook his head.

"A dance for playing.  A dance for getting his spoon.  A dance for step number 435...437," he said.

Don't I know it!  A dance for shopping (amusing)...a dance for escalators (dangerous)...a dance for sitting (odd)...a dance for dancing (fascinating).

- 2 September 2012

Dress-Down FAIL

We've been after Justin, about the rules of PE, since day one.  Finally, in week number four, the stars aligned.  Objections to dressing down - quashed.  All day wearing of gym clothes because the bells are too close together - busted.  Combination lock - mastered.  The final hurdle to overcome was carrying his gym bag to every class.

"That's why you have a gym locker," we repeatedly insisted.

Our assertions were to no avail so, over the weekend, we had a little talk.  As we prepared for school on Monday morning, Justin and I rummaged through the clean but unfolded laundry in search of the specific shirt and shorts.  I threw in a last minute reminder.

"Leave your gym clothes in your locker and bring them home at the end of each week to be washed.  Or, at least bring them home before they wander home on their own."

We located the articles and I left for work, knowing he would finally leave them at school.

That afternoon, I picked Justin up on my way home from work.  As we came in the back door, I spied the gym bag, still full, in his hand.  Grr, after all that!

"Why isn't that in your locker at school?" I asked, irritation mounting.

"Because you gave me your 'Beer Pong' shirt," he replied.

Oh.

- 24 September 2012

A Matter of Interest

"Dad, I'm not insturested in going potty."

Yeah, well, I'm not insturested in finding out if the magic eraser will get poop off the couch.  March!

- 5 August 2012

How to Speak Oy

"Oh!" Ethan groaned.

Holy cow!  We were standing in the kitchen watching the news and getting ready for school.  Ethan was nearly doubled over, bracing himself against the stove.

What's wrong?  Did you hurt your stitches?  Did you forget about a test?  Is Timmy trapped in the well?  What is it?  What happened?  There was so much anguish backing his outburst that it had to be something major.

"I have so many questions to ask God," he continued.

I felt such a strange mixture of relief, intrigue and confusion.

"Like what?" I asked, trying to sound casual and hoping that I had managed to suppress the giggle.

"Like, 'Why is it called basketball?' and stuff like that," he shrugged.

Ethan, there is no doubt in my mind that God is as excited to tell you as you are to ask him.

- 18 September 2012

Buns

"I don't like you at the kind of moment," Logan informed me, when I arrived at the bathroom for the post-evacuation clean up.

I had only just sprinted up the stairs, barely managing to snag his shirt collar as his naked little buns scurried around the corner and into his bedroom.

"Why?" I asked, as a matter of interest, dragging him back to the toilet.

"Because you ignored me," he said.

Ha!  You're upset because I caught you.  Two more seconds and I would have been wiping more than your fanny.  Just because you waited until I was using the vacuum in the farthest corner of the basement, to call me telepathically, doesn't mean that I was ignoring you.  (As far as you know.)  And, believe me, I wasn't about to ignore a half-naked boy in mid-wipe, attempting to escape the bathroom unnoticed.

I may not be a lot of things...but I am a boy!

- 16 September 2012

Grading Scale

At the dinner table this evening, the standard discussions were well under way.  Everyone was loudly reporting the events of the day. 

"So, after your doctor's appointment you made it back in time for first period, right?" I asked Justin across the table.  "At least part of it?" I added.

"Yeah, I made it in time to take my test and everything," he said, brightly.

Test?  That's funny, as your homework buddy, I do not recall any mention of a test.  Would you care to elaborate?

"And I got a seventy percent.  Isn't that good?" he asked, expecting the answer, 'yes'.

"Um, seventy percent is a C...a C minus," I said, frowning.  "What was this test in?"

I could see Ethan, out of the corner of my eye, watching this exchange like a tennis match.

"Spanish vocabulary," he said, slightly crestfallen.

Eeeee...

Ashley and I continued the now one-sided conversation, outlining our expectations for the future and reminding him that his very first middle school test had resulted in 100 percent because he had studied.  It can be done!

I got up from the table in search of a second helping of pizza.  Ethan followed me into the kitchen.

"Dad," he said, leaning in close.  "Does C stand for...crap?"

- 14 September 2012

It's What's for Dinner

Logan was darting in and out of the kitchen while I was trying to prepare dinner.  He was experiencing one of his usual bouts of whyarrhea and I had shifted into nod-and-smile mode. 

"What's duck duck goose?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied, completely distractedly.

He was not to be deterred.

"Dad, what's duck duuuck goose?" he insisted.

"Oh, it's a game," I said, re-reading the directions for a third time and attempting to measure out some ingredients.

"No.  What's this stuff," he asked, shaking a box in my face that he had just pulled off the counter.

The sound it was making brought me back to my senses.  Clearly, in four-year-old-world, there was a connection between this box and duck, duck goose.  In my world, the only connection to that box, was dinner.  I slowly focused in on the package. 

"Oh!  Couscous.  Honey, that says 'Couscous,' not duck, duck goose."

- 13 September 2012

Change of Plans

"Dad, can Luke come with us to the movie theater to see Finding Nemo?"

"No," I said, lifting him into the truck.

"Oh," he replied.

"It's just going to be our family," I explained.

"And not the kitty?" he asked, as though this were a complete shock.

"No," I said, tilting my head to one side.

We stopped doing that after the theater complained.  Besides, he hogged all the popcorn and always spilled his drink and, oh yeah, he's a cat!

Speaking of drinks...

- 13 September 2012

France

After seeing this photo of my high school music building on Facebook, I mentioned, aloud, that it was, "too late for me to visit the old Ferris because they had already started the demolition."  My heart was heavy.

"Are they destroying the Eiffel Tower?"

Ethan looked horrified. 

"Ferris, Ethan.  Not Paris.  Ferris...High School."

- 1 September 2012

Zoinks

Justin and Ethan were having one of their standard discussions in the car, when suddenly...

"I was playing this game called 'Protect My Nuts,'" Justin said.

Zoinks!  Were you now?  Only four days of middle school and this is where we are?  Back in my day, we played a similar game called Dodge Ball.  And just where was this all taking place and who were you with?

He must have caught sight of the look of suspicion on my face.

"Oh, you are a squirrel," he added, quickly.

Ah, video games.  No, my friend, I believe it is you that is the squirrel.

- 9 September 2012

Roll Call

I am looking forward to a day when 3-year-old bath time doesn't involve Penis Roll Call.  That is to say, that the blanket statement, "all boys have a penis and all girls don't" doesn't seem to suffice.  Instead, we have to individually go through our entire genealogy and half the city...every night.

- 8 September 2011

The Important Things In Life

A few days ago, Logan discovered Justin's (and subsequently Ethan's) old Fisher-Price digital camera.  After a new set of batteries and 7 minutes of exploration, off he went.  He was thrilled!  Pictures (literally hundreds) were taken, discarded, re-taken and pondered over.  The entire afternoon was spent staging scenes and snapping photos.

When it came time for bed, the meltdown that ensued was epic in proportion.  It would seem that we failed to properly disclose that fact that the camera would not be going to bed with the boy.

"I want all of my pictures in a book that I took with my camera," he explained.

"You do?" I asked, considering what that might look like.

I didn't have to wait long in order to find out.

"Yes.  Ethan's butt...Mommy...the light in the living room.  Oh no!" came his horrified exclamation.  "I forgot to picture the telephone!"

Well, God forbid.

- 27 March 2012

Sidetracked

Ethan was apparently in pain after hurting himself.

"I'm like a weak old grandpa now that I'm shaking of (from) pain...no, wait...when they're holding on to their stick thingy's (canes), that's when they shake."

I love how, at five, you are so distracted by your own thoughts that you have probably forgotten all about your injury.

- 15 October 2008

That's a Wrap

Since school started, I have been parking my car in the alley behind the house.  This morning, Logan and I got into the car and headed to the babysitter.

"Dad, there's bird tinkle and bird wrap on your windshield."

So there is.  Let's practice calling it "bird poop" before we tell your mother.

- 20 Sept 2011

Ruined

While having his hair cut, the subject of the fair came up.  Ethan eagerly shared his master plan, including the order in which he intended to conquer the rides.  Much to his dismay, however, he was unable to say, "Ferris wheel," saying instead, "Ferris weasel."

"Uh!  Logan!  He's ruined me!"

- 31 August 2012

Smash Up

"What song should I sing, Logan?" I asked.

"You Are My Sunshine," he said, brightly.

Even in the dark I could see the scowl forming on his face as I began to sing.

"You are not doing it right," I was informed.

Really?  I am fairly certain that I was.

"How should I sing it," I asked.

He thought about it for a moment and then boldly struck out into new musical territory.  What came next was a combination of The Happy Wanderer and the Lucky Charms jingle sung to the tune of You Are My Sunshine...with apples, soup and zombies thrown in for good measure.

I really wish I had had the video camera.

"I love to wander in the sunshine...

with hearts and stars and clovers that are gray...

with apples and soup...

and zombies on the mountain track."

I wonder what kind of soup it was.

- 3 September 2012

Alias

Even though it was only ten o'clock in the morning, it had been a very long day.  Justin, Logan and I had just returned home from their first visit to the hospital where Ashley and Ethan had been since midnight.  The two boys had been up since six and everything was on it's head.

I had been back and forth all morning and tensions were running high.  Both boys were getting on each other's nerves.  As I grabbed a few provisions and prepared to return to the hospital, they found themselves facing the prospect of having to keep each other company for what seemed like the nine-hundredth time that day.  Justin was not excited about babysitting...again.  His frustration was evident.

"I've got to find a movie that The Cheek can watch that will last forever," Justin said, rummaging through the DVD case.

We call him "Logan" now.  Mom and I even had his birth certificate changed.

- 18 August 2012

Chilly

While waiting for the parade to begin...

"Look, two heads in one jacket," Logan said, after stuffing himself into my sweatshirt along with me.

"And four legs," Ethan chimed in.

"Do you know how many butt cheeks that would be?" Justin added gleefully.

Well, let's see, there's you - that makes one...

- 1 September 2012