Wolf Blitzer

"I bet he has wrinkly old butt cheeks."

And I bet that I never want to find out.  That's the news.  Good night everyone.

- 31 December 2012

When You're Right, You're Right

On Christmas Day, there had been an ongoing debate about which one of us would pilot the journey home.  The driving snow and icy roads were of little concern - our combined 44 years of driving experience had seen us through greater challenges.  Instead, our dilemma was centered around who had more sleep - whose headache was worse - which person's medication bore the pharmaceutical advisory, "should not operate heavy machinery," versus, "do not drive."

I won.

"Just remember, I can drive at any time," Ashley reminded me, as I climbed back into the car having filled up the gas tank.

"Well, if you see me crying while I'm driving, that might be an indication that you should be driving instead," I replied.

She was not amused.

"I would very much like for you to pull over before that happens," she said, grabbing my arm.

"As would I, my dear," I said, looking over at her and smiling.  "I was just trying to find a little humor," I added, hoping to break the tension.

There was an awkward pause, during which Ashley gazed at me, desperately trying to decide whether or not I was serious.   You could practically hear the questions tumbling around in her head.  Would he start crying?  Will he pull over?  Which suitcase did I pack the straight jacket in?  Is there enough room in the back for his body if I just kill him now?

Ethan's voice floated up from the back seat.

"Well," he said of my attempted humor, "it's somewhere but it's not here."

- 25 December 2012

Christmas Eve Mass

"Wow!  That was good church!" Logan announced, as we pulled out of the parking lot when mass had ended.

I completely agree.  Which part did you like the best?  The part where you "helped" the ushers, rolled around on the floor, sat in everyone's lap, loudly critiqued the choir/songs/ugly hats or your continuous obsession about the people sitting in the balcony and how God must have flown them up there to sit?

Just wondering.

- 24 December 2012

Mrs. Nutty

I was keeping Ethan company while he took a shower (I was playing on my iPhone) - a job normally, and sacredly, reserved for his brother who was off spending the night at a friend's house.

"Dad, can I add something to my list?" he asked, from under the spray of water.

He was, of course, referring to his Christmas wish list.

"Like what?" I asked, rolling my eyes and thinking that, by this date, it was all pretty much a done deal.

"Like another nutcracker so that Mr. Nutty won't be lonely.  Then he'll have a friend.  You know...like a girl," he said, not wanting to use the word girlfriend, but wanting to send a clear message all the same.

I just about died.  He wants his nutcracker to find love.  I love that kid!

- 21 December 2012

Feeding Time at the Zoo

The look of mingled fear and desperation?  Oh, that's because Logan isn't providing food fast enough for the cat's liking.  Did I also remember to mention that Oliver is bigger than Logan?

- 6 December 2012

Big What Now?

We join our characters on a typical Wednesday morning.  I have already left for work.  The boys are "ready" for school and are busily playing their standard game of Jack-Ass while Ashley is desperately trying to do her hair without interruption.

"Ooo, rub that in my hair," Ethan said, passing by the bathroom and catching sight of the can.

"No, I don't think so," Ashley said.  There was undoubtedly a "who do you think you're kidding" look that I wish I could have been there to see.

"You're right.  My hair is already big and sexy," he replied, running both hands through his hair and shaking his rear end.

Yikes.

- 28 November 2012

Listening Ears

Logan made these "listening ears" at preschool this afternoon.  I had a different name for them but we'll just stick with listening ears.

- 5 December 2012

Really Young Love

There is nothing like a three-year-old, preschool romance.

"Matilda is the girl of my dreams, Dad!"

- 23 April 2007

Popular

On Friday afternoon, I went to pick Logan up from preschool.

"Dad, I hope my friends don't miss me or they will cry for two whole days," he informed me.

That's oddly specific.

"They will?" I asked.

"Yeah, they will fuss and moan."

Hmm.  That's quite an effect you have on them.  With my friends, it's the other way around - if I'm not gone for two whole days...

- 12 October 2012

Wardrobe Malfunction

"Oh magic, oh magic, oh magic shoes, return to Logan's super hero suit so I can get dressed."

I hate it when my shoes wander off like that - it makes it so difficult to save the world.

- 15 August 2012

Buffet Menu

Meanwhile, back at the Old Country Buffet...

"Can I go get some ice cream now?" Justin asked, displaying his clean plate.

"Just wait for a few more minutes until we're all ready to go," Ashley suggested.

"Okay, but you can't say 'no'.  I ate a butt-load of carrots."

How vivid.

- 1 December 2012

I Spy

See if you can spy the following objects:

"Oh, look!  A peahawk and a corn flake."

...and by peahawk, he means peacock...and by peacock, he means pink flamingo...as for the flake, well, I can think of at least one.

- 1 December 2012