I Am Poem

- 22 September 2014

Weaknesses

The soccer game was reaching half time and, even though we don't keep score at this age, our team was losing.  When the referee called for substitutes, Logan came running, nae dancing off the field.  As he landed in my lap, he began to squirm.

"Dad, please don't tickle me, it's my only weakness."

- 20 September 2014

Marriage Proposal

"How was your day at school today?" I asked Logan, while the van sped towards home with the windows down.

"Someday Brianna and Juniper will grow up and try and marry me," Logan told me.  "But nope, I'm gonna marry Addie.  She and I are really close."

So that's what kindergarten is all about these days.  Is Addie aware of The Plan?

- 18 September 2014

Dirty Birds

"Dad, we're kind of dirty," Logan announced, as we drove home from his soccer game.

"You mean the van?" Ashley asked.

"No, our language," he said.

Oh, crap!  I mean, oh drat!

- 17 September 2014

Attack

Justin shuffled across the room towards the bed where Ashley lay relaxing.  He lay himself face down across her legs.

"How was your day?" she asked.

"Terrible," he replied.

"Why?"

"Time," he mumbled.

"What?"

"I don't know," he said.  "I was just trying to get you to be quiet."

"I'm only trying to show you that I love you," Ashley told him.

"You do that in other ways, by trying to attack me.   You call it hugging."

- 9 September 2014

Bedtime Songs

One of our favorite bedtime songs, performed every evening like clockwork.

"K-K-K-Katy, beautiful Katy, 

          You're the only g-g-g-girl that I adore.

When the m-m-m-moon shines,

          Over the cow shed,

          I'll be waiting by the k-k-k-kitchen door."

Then one night, out of the blue.

"Dad!  Moons don't shine.   Suns shine."

My mistake.

- Circa 2012

Christmas on Tuesday

Because Christmas fell on a Tuesday, I had to travel home so that I could work on Monday and then travel back in time for the holiday.  Ashley was kind enough to accompany me on the trip.  As you can imagine, Ashley's folks spent a great deal of time and energy worrying about us as we travel in the winter, or at night, or on a clear day.

"Just passing through Dodge.  Only light rain now," read Ashley's text to her mother.

"Who cares," came the reply.

Guess who had Grandma's phone.

"Stuff it, Justin."

Later...we received a text from Ethan while he was using the bathroom...including a play-by-play...and "sounds".

Eww, gross!  Please don't drop the telephone into the toilet.

- 23 December 2012

Oops

"Quit bitching about pie," I said to Ashley, after she complained about not having any for the seventeenth time.

"Yeah, Mom, quit mother dogging," Ethan said.

- 4 September 2012

George Calling

The telephone rang - it was George calling from California to talk to Ethan.  Below is an excerpt of the 30 minute conversation from our end of the connection.

Regarding his appendectomy:

"They gave me...um...oh yeah, Sprite!  And tomato soup."

"I don't know, I was asleep."

"I threw up all over my bed."

"Yeah, they had to change it."

"I didn't use an air bag [oxygen mask], I got to keep the puke bag!"

Regarding his latest obsession (flying):

"Have you ever been on an airplane with a movie?"

"No, I've never even been on an airplane."

Regarding who knows what:

"Yeah, to go downtown and walk around and stuff."

"I don't know."

"Monkeys are awesome."

"Ew."

"Is there a Lego store there?"

"Grenades?"

"No, not that I know of."

Regarding the commotion in the room:

"What?  Oh, that was my mom and my dad."

"I'm watching a lot of weird commercials."

"If you hear any laughing...that's my mom or my dad."

"I don't know."

Regarding his heritage:

"Did you know that I'm also English?"

"So far, I know I'm English, Irish and American."

Regarding either parents or television programming, I still don't know:

"Neither do I.  Nothing exciting has happened in, like, years." 

It was fascinating listening to these 9-year-old boys talking on the telephone.  I wish I could have heard both ends of the conversation although I doubt it would have made any more sense.

We would find out more about this conversation later in the afternoon.

- 24 August 2012

Posse

Last time we'd heard from Justin, he and his friends were headed to a local elementary school, half a mile away, to ride skate boards.

Suddenly, the phone rang.  I stood in the doorway while Ashley answered.  It was Justin.  There was a long pause while Ashley listened.

"Who exactly was chasing you?" she asked, half exclaiming, half laughing.

Oh Lord, I can only imagine.  The police?  Some girl's father?  A boogle of rabid weasels?  Because I know it wasn't a bunch of older boys trying to chase you down because you and your "posse" knocked over their drinks for sport!  (Just guessing...)

Oh, it was a bunch of older boys chasing you because you and your "posse" knocked over their drinks for sport?  And now you want me to come get you?  Oh, for Pete's sake!

Grrr.

- 19 August 2014

Webster's

I finally had to ask Justin and Ethan to stop playing their game.  They were chasing one another through the house, whacking each other with a huge book.

Wait, what is that book?  The dictionary?!

Well, at least they're using it.

- 29 July 2012

Thank You Ethan

"When we get a dog lets not get a puppy.  They're messy.  Let's get one that's like you guys, ol...in the middle of the aging process."

- 6 September 2014

Dinner

"Can I have a napkin?  I have yogurt on my toes."

I really wish that was a metaphor for something, especially on Taco Tuesday.

- 2 September 2014