In the Altogether

Many things in our household have a schedule.  Notice I did not say follow a schedule.  Nakedness, however, neither has a schedule nor follows any sort of timetable whatsoever.  I am referring, of course, to the boys' spontaneous undraping.  On a side note, I have noticed that one of the many triggers for the birthday suit bash seems to be meal time - a fact I do not wish to spend a lot of time analyzing because I am afraid of the implications.  That will be a task for my psychiatrist and the many hours of couch time that are almost certainly a part of my future.

Once again, as breakfast was coming to a close, the silent clarion call went out.  Before I knew it, Logan was at my side, leafless and crying.  Call it a hunch but I had the feeling he was not crying as a result of being au naturel.

"Why are you crying?" I asked, shaking my head.  "You seem to have forgotten your fig leaf."

"The boys closed the door to the family room in my face," he wailed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said.

"But Da-ddy, I wanted the boys to laugh."

Well, I laughed.  Does that count?  Now, about your clothes...

- 14 January 2012

Think Again

Part of the fun of speaking Boy is being able to impart your life's experience on your sons.  Maybe not all of it, however.  To that end, anything you may have forgotten to tell the younger ones will undoubtedly be filled in by the older siblings.  As with any training plan, a flaw will occasionally be revealed.

One such crack in this foundation of learning appeared when my youngest son learned to say, "kick your butt," at the ripe old age of two.  Luckily, the source of this knowledge could easily be traced back to his older brother who was two years his senior.  Unfortunately, the trail of guilt did not stop there but continued, instead, directly back to me.  "I kick your butt," was something Ethan knew perfectly well he was not permitted to say.  In spite of this fact, he was determined to locate the exact boundaries of his parents tolerance on the subject.  Having decided that we wouldn't know what he was saying if he disguised the phrase, he put his hypothesis to the test.

"I kick your B," he shouted through a face-splitting grin.

Say that again and I kick your B!  Hmm, perhaps it was this line of thinking that got me into trouble in the first place.  I am reasonably certain that Ashley was ready to kick both of our B's.

- 10 June 2005

And There Was Much Gnashing of Teeth

Ethan was angry...very angry.  His ill temper had landed him a stint on the naughty chair.  Seething with rage and gnashing his teeth he stood on the chair and snarled his outrage.

"You're gonna pay for this."

It was cute when he was two.  Now that he's eight...not so much.

- 4 January 2006

Mighty Oaks From Little Acorns Grow

"Daddy, there's something wrong with my ear.  Last night there were acorns in it."

To this day, I still don't know what that means.

- 19 December 2003

North Africa

Watching the National Geographic channel is always a gamble when you have little children.  One evening, as the family sat on our bed, engrossed in the television program, Justin leaned over to whisper something in my ear.  I braced myself as a thousand possible five-year-old utterances raced up and down in my mind.  My brain was unable to settle on the most likely candidate before he spoke.

"In the fields of North Africa, wild butts roam."

I'm gonna be honest with you.  That was not even in the top five thousand.

- 12 January 2006

Knees

Justin had fallen and scraped both knees earlier in the day.  When it came time for his bath he made me promise to be gentle as I cleaned them.  I let him soak and splash in the warm water for a while but I didn't need to be told twice when the bath had come to an end.

"My knees are gettin' cranky," he informed me.

Okay buddy.

- 1 October 2003

Give Up the Ghost

Time to concede defeat and pack it in.

While gathered around an early spring patio fire, Ethan sat slumped in his chair, fixated on the dying embers.  He let out a long, dejected sigh.

"What's the matter, Ethan?" Ashley asked him.

"There's no food in my hand and the fire's going away."

Life is now over.

- 26 March 2007