Your Call Cannot Be Completed As Dialed

After loading up the washing machine and emptying the cat box, I checked in on the two sons playing video games and headed up the stairs.  No sooner had I reached the landing then I heard what sounded like angry shouting coming from the other end of the house.  More specifically, the master bedroom wherein sat my wife.

"Stop calling me at this number," she shouted into the telephone.

"Who was that?" I asked, in mock trepidation.

"Justin!" she said.

Well turn me upside down and paint me blue, I had not seen that coming.

"Justin?" I asked, now thoroughly confused.

"Yes.  He and Ethan are fighting..."

How is that even possible?  Justin is at someone else's house over a mile away.

We were interrupted by the telephone.  It was an internal call from the basement.  This time it was Ethan's turn to register a complaint.  After a moment, Ashley hung up the phone and continued.

"...because Ethan signed in to Justin's profile on the Xbox," she explained.  "I just love how they can fight when they're not even in the same house," she added.

I laughed and shook my head.

"The 21st century sucks," I declared.

"I know," she replied.  "The least they could have done is call each other on their own phones and leave me out of it."

- 20 October 2013

Hanging Out

I did a double-take and tapped my wife on the arm.

  

I wondered what all the wrestling and grunting had been about, to say nothing of how long it took to put on.

- 6 October 2013

Disgusting Love

As we rode along in the truck after pre-school, headed for home and lunch...

"What is the smell like in here?" Logan asked.

"It smells like old truck and dirt," I said, thoughtfully.

"No, it smells like melted hot dogs, melted cheese, disgusting love and a breaked (sic) heart," he insisted.

Say what now??  Noooo!!  I just got my heart broken and now my hot dog has melted.  Will the suffering never end?  By the way, what are they teaching you at this pre-school?

- 3 October 2013

Say Cheese

Okay boys, line up over there and smile.  This one's for your grandmother.

*sigh*

- 22 August 2013

Sometimes

"Sometimes my penis sticks out of my shorts and I don't like it," Logan informed his grandmother.

"Well, just stick it back in," she advised.

Wow.  Remind me not to sit next to the two of you at the dinner table.

- 28 July 2013

Just Eat

"This smells disgusting," Logan proclaimed.

"What does?" I asked.

"My fork."

First of all, I don't want to know what you've done or where you've put that fork to make it smell disgusting.  Secondly, just eat already!

- 16 June 2012

New Flavor

In the truck on the way to 7-Eleven, I was reciting, aloud, the list of various family members and Slurpee flavors.  The order was thus:

Ashley wanted Pepsi.  I wanted grape.  Logan, well, who knows what he wanted, we'd have to wait and see what was available.  Justin, ah, Justin.  He had disappeared with some friends so...one less Slurpee to keep track of.

I turned to Ethan and said, "What flavor are you going to have?"

"Donkey spittle," he replied, with a finality that indicated there weren't two ways about it.  

He continued to stare out the front window as we drove along, leaving no indication on his face as to whether or not he was serious.  I couldn't tell if he had given this a great deal of thought or if he knew what a thought was at this point.  Definitely my genes.

Donkey spittle?  He may or may not have been serious but I'm suddenly less excited about my Slurpee.

- 1 September 2013