Genealogy

A ride in the car is never a dull moment with any of my sons.

"Dad, am I part Chinese?" Logan asked out of nowhere.

"No.  You're English and Irish," I said.

"Is Mom part Chinese?" he asked.

*sigh*

"No."

"How come she doesn't speak Chinese?" he demanded.

She eats Chinese, does that count?

"Dude, she already speaks Boy, isn't that enough?" I asked, pointedly ending the conversation.

I could hear him muttering something about Chinese all the way down the street.

- 26 June 2017

Pretty

If you feel like you need some real insight into what it's like to raise a house full of boys, read this post that my wife sent me this morning.  I'd be appalled if it weren't actually true.  No wait, I'm still appalled.

My friend asked me what it was

like to live in a house full of boys

so I peed on her bathroom floor,

ate everything in her fridge, told

her 800 stories about Minecraft,

farted 20 times, and when she

was ready to kill me, I gave her a

hug and told her she was pretty.

- 4 April 2017

Revenge

"What's all the whining about?" my wife asked, as I came into the bedroom to escape the intense carping that was my son.

"Oh, his brothers were making fun of him," I said, "and now he's mad at me because I won't help him get revenge by waiting until they're asleep and writing, 'Captain Doo-doo Head' on their faces."

"I'm in!" she shouted.  "Pick me!  Pick me!"

- 5 May 2017

I’m Your MOTHER

I can just make out Beavis and Butthead chuckling in the background. 

- 4 May 2017

You Asked

My wife found this post that, quite frankly, sums it all up very nicely. 

My friend asked me what it was like living in a house full of boys.  So I proceeded to pee on her bathroom floor, eat everything in her fridge, tell her 800 stories about Minecraft, fart 20 times, and, when she was ready to kill me, I gave her a hug and told her she was pretty.

- 24 April 2017

Uncouth

"Hey, Dad, hurry up and let's get this started."

I walked into the bathroom to find Logan sitting on the toilet. 

"What do you mean hurry up?" I asked.  "I've been waiting for you to get off the pot!"

Logan leapt up from his sitting position and sprang into the tub. 

"I've been waiting for you to get off your pot!" he exclaimed, pointing a finger at me.  "Wait, no, forget that I just messed that up," he said, attempting to retract his zinger.  He paused.  "I've been waiting for  you to get off your...no, wait, forget that I just messed that up a second time."

I began to fill the bathtub, fearing a lengthy attempt to re-zing me.

"I've been waiting for you," he said, making a third attempt and then a fourth. 

Finally he snapped, "I've been waiting for you to get off yours!"

He laughed maniacally.

I splashed water in his face.

- 23 June 2016

The Eulogy

Logan was busy presiding over the eulogy for his bath time toys when I inadvertently committed some sort of faux pas.

"Dad, you inturrupted the death sequence ritual."

Did I?

"What?" I asked. 

"Wait," he said, "what's it called, you know, the ceremony?"

"A funeral?" I ventured. 

"Right!"

- 3 July 2016