Stop

"Stop hitting yourself.  Stop hitting yourself," he squealed with delight.

Logan, this would be much funnier if you were sitting on my lap slapping me with my hand instead of yours.  I think we have some work to do.

- 30 April 2012

Cambios

"Hey, Dad!  Want to see my 'cambios'?" he asked, waving his Spanish science notebook under my nose.

"Of course," I said.  "I'm going to give Logan a bath.  Why don't you come and show me after you've had your shower?" I suggested.

Ethan disappeared into the depths of the house and reappeared seven minutes later, notebook in hand.  While Logan played happily in the tub, Ethan proceeded to review his work with great pride and enthusiasm.

"Hey, Ethan.  What does 'cambios' mean?" I asked.

"Oh, 'changes'," he said, fidgeting and wiggling.

"Speaking of changes.  What say you put on some clothes before we continue?  At least some underwear, please."

Seriously, if "cambios" doesn't mean "starkers" then why don't we save naked-science-notebook time for another night?

- 23 April 2012

Hello, My Name Is

Before you head off to Jeff's for your day of head exploding fun...

"Can we practice their names?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said.  "Grace and Olivia and...Buckle!"

Buckle?

Logan, I think he goes by Wyatt now.  His name is Wyatt!  I guess two out of three isn't bad when you're talking out of your behind.

- 20 April 2012

Just Like Me

This evening's dinner table discussion was centered around the previous day's birth of a new cousin.

"I hope he's just like me," Ethan said.

"Yes, Ethan, you're a very kind boy," Ashley agreed, attempting to stave off what she evidently assumed would be Ethan's usual silliness.

I can't imagine why she would make such an audacious assumption.

"R i g h t.  That's what I meant, not, 'I'm going to take over the world and he'll be my little assistant.'"

Never mind.

- 27 April 2012

Corn Fields II [Video]

I retract my previous statement about finding love in a corn field.  Thank goodness he's only three or this might really be disturbing.

"Oh, corn field.

I love you corn field.

Oh, corn field, show me your body."

- 22 April 2012

Corn Fields [Video]

Who says you can't find love in a corn field?

"Corn fields, just come.  Come, come for breakfast on me."

I love you corn fields."

- 22 April 2012

Picture It

Imagine the scene of a house filled with peace.
          ...quiet
               ...serene
Imagine the gentle hum of appliances and the soft ticking of clocks.

Imagine going downstairs and opening the door to find all three of your sons sitting together on the couch, quietly enjoying each other's company.

Imagine the 3-year old sitting in the middle, flanked by his older brothers as they watch television.

Imagine the youngest one holding each one of his brother's hands and resting his head on one of their shoulders.

No arguing.
     No shouting.
          No name calling.

Just peace...

Now, imagine that you didn't see the one on the end,

picking his nose with his free hand.

- 24 April 2012

Busted Again

I just sat down to take off my shoes and catch my breath before the bedtime routine began.  Logan crossed the room and squeezed my knee.

"Butt-cheek," he proclaimed in the clearest and most unmistakable English, as if to say, "Hey, Dad, you're a butt-cheek."

My mouth dropped open.

"Logan!  No!" was all I could manage.  "You are not allowed to say words like that," I continued, barely managing to keep the chuckle under wraps.

His face fell and he adopted the most hurt and indignant look.

"But the boys call that to me!" he protested. 

Oh, do they now?  We'll see about that.  This announcement, he felt certain, would clear the matter right up and pave the way for immediate, continued and indefinite use of this word.

Umm, wrong!

- 23 April 2012

Snake, Oh Snake [Video]

Once in a while, I get sung to.  Here is the latest addition to the ever widening bedtime song repertoire.

"Snake, oh snake, come back to me.

Oh snake, oh snake, just come out for me!"

- 22 April 2012

Look Who's Talking

Much to the general delight and/or chagrin of the family, it is not uncommon to receive announcements or answers to questions from a variety of Logan's bodily components.  All parts are well represented, as illustrated by this case in point.

On Friday night, it was the boys choice for dinner.  Once again, Logan offered up his opinion or, at least, his proxy did.

"Logan, no one wants to hear what your penis is saying," Justin assured him.

Ditto.

- 20 April 2012

So Much for That

As we got ready to read books before bedtime, Logan opted for a change of pace.

"You can lie down next to me and I will read to you," he said, carefully selecting a book and opening it.

"Oh, that sounds very nice," I said as I sat down on the bed.

I stretched out beside him while he rifled through the book apparently trying to decide where to begin.  There was a long pause.

"But what do the words say?"

- 14 April 2012

Look Dad, I Made Popcorn!

As we pulled into the driveway, having just returned from the grocery store, Logan spotted a now familiar, if not infamous, object left behind by the fire department.

"Dad!  They put my roasted popcorn in the driveway!  Why did they do that?"

Maybe because it was on fire.

- 17 April 2012

What's Wrong with this Sentence?

Perhaps it's because I have boys, or perhaps it's just because I am a father but, whenever I'm out, I am constantly checking the rear-view mirror to see if the ambulance that just passed me is going to turn down my street - ever breathing a sigh of relief when it does not.  Yeah, well...

When I picked up the telephone in my office, there was a small commotion at the other end of the line and someone said, "microwave."

"Hello?" I said.

"Um, Hi!  This is Rob S. and I'm at your house...I think."

Okay, you just called my direct, private line at work, which is unpublished...only one of the numerous things that is wrong with your sentence.

"I'm from the Fire Department," he continued.

Okay, you just kicked this conversation into a whole new and frightening category.  Can you hold for a moment?  My heart just leaped into my throat and now I'm choking on it. 

"Your boys are kind of shaken up," he said.

Well, I just soiled myself, does that count?

"There was a small fire...there's a lot of smoke and we're going to blow the house out now (with a fan).  Someone should come home," he advised.

You think?

"We won't leave until someone gets here," he said.

"Thank you, sir, I'll be home momentarily," I replied and slammed down the receiver.

By the way, Mr. S., was it,  did the police show up as well?  Because their presence will certainly expedite the homicide proceedings once I get home!  Might as well save time.

Even though I knew what to expect when I turned onto my street, it was still a little shocking to behold, especially given the fact that they were outside of my house.  Two engines, and the Chief's truck.  It is possible that today was a slow day where the fire department was concerned but from my perspective, there seemed to be an overabundance of firemen on the scene for a small fire and a bag of burned popcorn.

Three boys lined up neatly along the fence...one in tears...one looking nervous...one waving and smiling like a lunatic.  People rushing all over the place.  One bag of smoldering popcorn in the driveway.

Meanwhile, the new microwave is now the ex-microwave.  There will be a lot of cleaning and everything in the house will have to be laundered.  Hmm, sounds like a regular Saturday night.

Now, boys, who's going to call your mother?

- 17 April 2012

*It should be noted that, despite the apparent babysitting FAIL that has occurred, Justin did exactly what he was supposed to do in an emergency.  I couldn't be prouder of my Boy Scout!

Sucker

Logan came running inside, completely out of breath, refusing to go back out and play.

"There's a huge blood-sucking spider out on the slide," he said, shaking with fear.

Logan!  We do not refer to our brothers that way, despite the undoubtedly justifiable reasoning!  Now, if you would be kind enough to invite the largest of the dead men in to see me, we will find out just how real this spider is and exactly who is afraid of spiders after all.  [insert maniacal laughter here]

- 10 April 2012

Raised Eyebrows

According to Justin, many things in his life and about his family, "raise an eyebrow."  Lately, however, these same things have only been able to raise half an eyebrow.

"I have this Lego guy with half an eyebrow and I was trying to prove to Ethan that it could look cool on a person too."

How's that working for you?

I discovered this, shall we say "experiment", on Wednesday night, April 4, 2012.  We were staying at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  The boys had just gone to bed and I had called Justin out to ask him a question.  When he arrived at the top of the stairs, I could see from the bottom that something was amiss.

"Justin, come down here," I said narrowing my eyes.

There was an immediate look of panic accompanied by an involuntary movement that made it seem as thought he were preparing to flee.

"Justin, what happened?"

He tried to look innocent.  He failed.

The story was told and, once he realized that I wasn't mad, the panic returned.

"Dad, please don't tell Grandma and Grandpa!" he pleaded.

I assured him that I would not.  So, I immediately called Ashley over to have a look and she took care of that for me. 

Did I know she would do that?  Does a dumb 11-year-old boy have half an eyebrow?

I love teamwork.

- 4 April 2012

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service

This popular `60s phenomenon has recently undergone a 21st century makeover in our household, as noted by my 3-year-old who repeatedly chased his older brothers from his bedroom this morning hollering,

"Stay out of my room with pants on!"

Both funny and disturbing.

- 13 April 2012

The Kids' Concert

There was a huge gasp and Logan lifted his head out of the bath water.

"Dad!  We forgot the kids' concert that is tomorrow tonight!"

His face was fixed with a horrified expression.

"We did?  What concert is this?" I asked.

"The kids' concert that all of my friends will be there and me.  We're gonna sing!" he explained.

"What are you going to sing?" I asked.

"A-B-C-D-E-F-G."

Somehow I felt as though I could have seen that answer coming.

"That sounds nice but I still don't know what concert we're talking about," I said, shaking my head.

"The kids' concert!" he insisted, clearly hoping that my fit of stupidity would come to an abrupt end.

"I think you're pulling my leg." I told him as I laughed.

Apparently, this was not a funny matter.

"No I not," he said with an edge in his voice and a stern look on his face.  "I didn't touch your leg."

- 9 April 2012

Was I Talking to You?

"Mom!" Logan shouted as he crashed through the back door and stomped his way up the stairs and across the kitchen.

Good grief Logan, you haven't even been outside for three minutes together.  I can't even sit down and think without being interrupted and besides, Mom is trying to take a nap.

"What is it now, Logan?" I hollered back, attempting to intercede.

His snippy reply was very succinct.

"I'm not asking you now."

Fine.  Wake Mommy up and just see how far you get.

- 9 April 2012

Happy Keister

- 3 April 2010

Nice Try

While on a trip to Las Vegas, Ashley and I left the three boys in the care of their grandparents.  One evening, during his bath, Grandma asked Logan to lend a hand. 

"Can you please wash your face since you're holding the wash cloth?" she asked.

"I can't," he said.

"Oh you can do it.  You need to wash your face," she replied.

"But I can't or my eyeballs will fall out."

Nice try, Logan.  Not only has Grandma had a child of her own, but you're the third grandson.  She has your number.

- 6 April 2012

Great Mysteries

Last night, Logan was completely stuffed up and couldn't breathe.  After waking up several times crying, we decided to bring him to bed with us so that he wouldn't wake the entire household, including Grandma, Grandpa and his brothers.  We pulled out every trick in our book so that all of us could get some sleep but to no avail.  All night long he would stop breathing until his body realized it was suffocating, then awake with a frightened start in a terrified panic.  Fun.  No matter what we tried, we simply could not convince him to breathe through his mouth. 

Why is it that you can't get them to open their mouths to save their lives (long enough to breathe over night) but you can't get them to shut their mouths to save their lives either (during the other 16 hours of the day)?

You find that out, you find out everything, I guess.

- 5 April 2012

I'm Busy

While being scolded, Justin interrupted.

"Mommy, can we talk about this later?" he asked, with utter disgust and a furrowed brow.

- 26 April 2004