15 Things I Never Said Before I Had Boys

1. Let go of your penis.
2. Don't point that gun at your mother.
3. Dude, let go of your penis.
4. Where are you clothes?
5. Seriously, let go of your penis.
6. Why are there Legos in the washing machine?
7. Where are all the couch cushions?
8. Why is your brother standing on the porch mooning us?
9. Yes, Mrs. Smith, I know they're naked.
10. Why is this door sticky?
11. Where are all of the matches?
12. Minecraft is my favorite video game too.
13. Please tell me that puddle I just stepped in was a melted ice cube.
14. The next person who pees standing up gets to clean the bathroom.
15. Be careful that you don't slam your penis in the screen door!

That's the Old Saying

I may be dumb but I'm not stupid - except on occasion.  Even though I knew this was a ruse, I somehow let myself be talked into coming all the way into the basement to get Logan a Go-gurt from the freezer.  Unfortunately, this was not the first time I had genuinely fallen for one of Logan's ploys and, dare I say, it wouldn't be the last.

"Logan, why did you do that to me?  You're perfectly capable of doing this yourself," I said, with a note of exasperation.

"Sometimes you have to trick your friends and family into doing things for you," he said.  "That's the old saying, right?"

Yeah, well here's another old saying for you, I thought, showing my favorite finger to the back of his departing head.

- 20 December 2016