Thirty, Maybe?

After learning of his younger brother’s accident. 

“WTF, Ethan?!  How fast were you going?” Justin demanded from across the kitchen. 

“Thirty, maybe,” Ethan said, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Holy sh**, that’s a school zone!  What were you thinking?”

My wife and I, who were watching with great interest, exchanged surprised glances.  Justin, who was himself a teenager, was upset with Ethan for speeding in a school zone?  Something was up.  But, before Ethan could draw breath...

“You weren’t going 30!” Justin exclaimed.  “The only person that’s allowed to go 30 in a school zone is me!”

Ah, there it is. 

You probably can't tell, but the car is only resting on two wheels.

- 9 October 2019

You’re Welcome

Have you ever witnessed something that left you feeling stunned but you laughed anyway because it really was funny?

The biennial gathering for my wife’s family reunion was in full swing.  We had all convened in one family’s condo, our condo, to make dinner.  Everyone was visiting and making themselves at home.  No one felt more at ease than my five-year-old.  

My father-in-law, Matt, was relaxing on the couch in the living room when doom surreptitiously approached.  Ethan, as he is known to outsiders, slid silently up beside him and released the latch on the recliner where Matt was seated.  In a split second, the back of the chair disappeared out from underneath him and the footrest sprang up as Matt was propelled backwards with his feet flipped up into the air, over his head. 

The phrase ass-over-tea-kettle comes to mind.  

The spring on that chair was incredibly strong and it knocked the wind out of him as it nearly launched him into the next room.  The room was shrouded in a stunned (and amused) silence, except for Matt's struggling and gasping.

Ethan donned a look of complete satisfaction and before Matt could even come to his senses, he chimed, “You're welcome, Grandpa!” and trotted off down the hall. 

- June 2008

Ever the Optimist

After being questioned by his grandfather about his brother Ethan’s girlfriend, Logan chimed,

“I think this one’s going to last.”

- 15 June 2019

Stupid Freshman Tricks [Video]

"So, I think we had just got out of band practice and it was 7th period but English sucked at this point so I didn’t want to go.  So, me and Jorge were walking around and I finally decided that I had to go to get my homework but I thought it would be funny to come in soaking wet.  So, we walked into the gym locker room and I got under the shower and got soaked.  Then, I made my way to class and I made sure to come in wheezing and wiping my brow and I said, 'man, it's pretty hot out there' and the only people that seemed to care that I was wet were my friends who were laughing."

Do you mean to tell me that you went to all that trouble to show up at English soaking wet and nobody even noticed?  OUTRAGEOUS!

By the way, I love the part where you’re standing there, dripping wet and you discover your cellphone in your pocket.  Classic. 

- Spring 2018

Imagine That

Logan and I were having a random, all be it lively, discussion in the car about the geographic poles shifting and the earth suddenly stopping its rotation.  You know, normal father son stuff.  There was a pause in the conversation. 

“Imagine that,” he said with wonder.  “A banker and a fifth-grader talking about the end of the world.”

Truly a thing of beauty?

- 8 October 2019