Traditions

Apparently, my sons are either not going to learn this lesson at all or it is going to be a long and painful road to enlightenment.

• When you insist on watching a scary movie...and you make me promise not to scare you...and I agree...I am l-y-i-n-g.

Granted, the boys are far more desensitized than I was at their age.  They are, nevertheless, able to be scared.  As we sat down to watch Poltergeist last night, the atmosphere was electric.  Lights were on and escape routes had been planned and tested.  The movie progressed without incident, including the obligatory face hiding and at least one request to shut it off (which was not fulfilled...nor did the requesting boy leave).  I will concede that 1982 doesn't really hold a candle to the kind of horror movies and visual effects that people of this youngest generation are sadly used to, but the boys loved it anyway.  When it was finished, I was slightly crestfallen that they didn't appear to be as frightened as I had hoped...or so they said.

<insert evil grin and maniacal laughter here>

Remember, Justin, Ethan and Logan, I may be a lot of things but dumb is not one of them.  I too am a boy.

"Boys.  Brush your teeth, it's time for bed," I called.

There were the usual shenanigans and buffoonery.  I waited patiently.  Now there was whispering.  The shell of bravery was beginning to crack.

"Ethan, come with me," Justin whispered.

"No, Justin.  I have to brush my teeth too," Ethan said.

"Just come with me and wait while I brush my teeth.  Then I'll go with you," Justin suggested.

"Okay," Ethan agreed.

Off they plodded to the bathroom at the back of the house.  There was nervous silence.  Aha!  I crept down the hall and through the kitchen.  Suddenly, I leapt out from behind the wall and roared.  The terror was all consuming and absolute.  My work was complete.

What!?  Wasn't that the reason we became parents...to be able to share these precious moments with our offspring...to cause them to soil themselves and have nightmares...to continue the noble tradition of inflicting psychological damage upon each successive generation as was done to us at the same tender age?  No??  Oh, too bad.

Perhaps then, I should have felt bad that Justin and Ethan continued to quietly brush their teeth as silent and angry tears streamed down their faces.  They didn't speak to me for the rest of the evening.

- 20 January 2012